How To Shower Like A Man

1. Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and

leave them in a pile.

2. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see your girlfriend/wife

along the way, flash her making the "woo" sound.

3. Look at your manly physique in the mirror and suck in your gut

to see if you have  pecs (no). Admire the size of your dick in

the mirror, scratch your balls and smell your fingers for one

last whiff.

4. Get in the shower.

5. Don't bother to look for a washcloth. (you don't use one) 6.

Wash your face.

7. Wash your armpits.

8. Crack up at how loud your fart sounds in the shower.

9. Wash your privates and surrounding area.

10. Wash your ass, leaving hair on the soap bar.

11. Shampoo your hair. (do not use conditioner) 12. Make a

shampoo Mohawk.

13. Pull back shower curtain and look at yourself in the mirror.

14. Pee (in the shower)

15. Rinse off and get out of the shower. Fail to notice water on

the floor because you left the curtain hanging out of the tub the

whole time.

16. Partial dry off.

17. Look at yourself in the mirror, flex muscles.

Admire dick size.

18. Leave shower curtain open and wet bath mat on the floor.

19. Leave bathroom and fan light on.

20. Return to the bedroom with towel around your waist. If you

pass your girlfriend/wife, pull off the towel, grab your dick, go

"Yeah baby" and thrust your pelvis at her.

21. Throw wet towel on the bed. Take 2 minutes to get dressed.

How To Shower Like a Woman

1. Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper

according to lights and darks.

2. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see your

boyfriend/husband along the way, cover up any exposed flesh and

rush to bathroom.

3. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror and stick out your

gut so that you can complain and whine even more about how you're

getting fat.

4. Get in the shower. Look for facecloth, armcloth, legcloth,

longloofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.

5. Wash your hair once with Cucumber and Lamfrey shampoo with 83

added vitamins 6. Wash your hair again with Cucumber and Lamfrey

shampoo with 83 added vitamins 7. Condition your hair with

Cucumber and Lamfrey conditioner enhanced with natural crocus

oil. Leave on hair for fifteen minutes.

8. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for ten

minutes until red raw.

9. Wash entire rest of body with Ginger Nut and Jaffa Cake body

wash 10. Rinse conditioner off hair (this takes at least fifteen

minutes as you must make sure that it has all come off).

11. Shave armpits and legs. Consider shaving bikini area but

decide to get it waxed instead.

12. Scream loudly when your boyfriend/husband flushes the toilet

and you lose the water pressure.

13. Turn off shower.

14. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots

with Tilex.

15. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small African

country. Wrap hair in super absorbent second towel.

16. Check entire body for the remotest sign of a zit.

Attack with nails/tweezers if found.

17. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on

head.

18. If you see your boyfriend/husband along the way, cover up any

exposed flesh and then rush to bedroom to spend an hour and a

half getting dressed.